Merry Christmas To All, and To All a Goodnite

Another Christmas season, has come and gone. With shopping and presents and decorations galore. Hopes that all will be pleased with their bounty, and spending time with family and friends.

I am always glad when Christmas is over...while I love the season, and I look forward to it all year; The stress that comes with it is something that I really could do without!! But the kids had a great time, they loved all their presents, and had fun with all the cousins.

Well, I guess it's a good thing that Christmas only comes once a year!!

MIss Molly's 2!!

That's right, you heard it here 1st! Miss Molly Anne is 2. She had a spectacular Elmo Birthday, made extra special thanks to Auntie Cat. Thanks Cat for making some seriously AWESOME Elmo cupcakes! They were definitely a hit!! While it was really cold, at least it did not rain. Here are some "highlights" from the party!!
The Birthday Girl in her "elmowear"!!




Daddy and Molly going down the slide. The party started out at the park, but it was just too stinking cold!


The most Awesome cupcakes ever!! A whole plate of little Elmo faces!! These were the hit of the party, all the kids just loved having their own lil' Elmo to eat!!

life goes on, and on, and on

so i know that i have not posted in a while..things have been a little crazy. we had fires really close to our home. we are so lucky that we didn't have to leave. it was really scary, we have family that did have to leave. all i could think about was "what if something happens to our house? where would we go? would we be able to get all the things we truly needed/wanted out of the house?"

the good news, we are okay. our home is okay; things are still up in the air, but life goes on right? so now with all of this, i am feeling reallythankful.

i am thankful for:

my husband
my kids
my home
my family
my faith
my heavenly father
the atonement of jesus christ, that he suffered and died for me and my sins.
i am so thankful for my friends, neighbors, everyone that i have in my life.

so, to all the afore mentioined people, thanks!

Walk for Autrism

I just wanted to give a shout out to my team "The Phantastic Phethean's". We are walking for Autism Speaks at Angel Stadium in November. I am so excited to be a part of something that brings awareness and raises money for research for this issue. With 2 kids who are ASD, I think that its improtant for me and my family to do our part! So, if you would like to do your part please check us out! I have signed up my whole family including the baby to "walk" for this event. I am so excited. My SIL Jen, is the one who told me about it, and she is the one that set up our team. She is walking with her kids as well.

You can go to www.autismspeaks.org and click on walk events and then search for our team! Help us help these kids to achieve a better life!

Just one of those days or weeks, or years...

I am now loving that song by Miley Cyrus (sp?); Just one of those days. Again, not sure if that is the Actual title, but it works for my purposes. I like this song because the lyrics are : everyone has those days, everyone makes mistakes." Sometimes I feel like my whole life is either a HUGE mistake, or just one of those days. That is how this past week has been, I got some new meds and this was the 1st week on them. Not sure if I like them yet. They kinda make me feel like I'm on speed one minuet and pot the next. Not that I really know what either of those drugs make you feel, but based on my expansive Hollywood knowledge of them that's how they make me feel. I have decided that my new mantra is "I'm NOT going to freak out! Just cause everyone thinks I am, doesn't mean I am" Courtesy of Sam's fave movie "Half Baked".

Well, I am trying really hard to relax a bit, you know be more "mellow", in tune with my inner harmony and such. I know I am making like no sense, but to me it makes perfect sense in my head. Not that is saying much. But here it is, me trying my best, and alot of the times failing miserably, but still trying none the less. Yeah Me!!

Just what I needed

I just discovered the blog of a fellow BBC patron, and well it was just what I needed in my life right now. Things have been really hard, and crazy in my life. I know, everytime that I say that people look at me and say, "well yeah! you have 5 kids!". But to be brutally honest, it has nothing to do with hte number of children that I have. In fact, I wonder how I have managed to live my life the way that I have.

First of all, let me say how blessed I am. I have a wonderful family. I have the best husband anyone could ever ask for. And I am blessed with 5 beautiful and wonderful children. How I was so blessed, I shall never understand. Because I feel very unworthy of the blessings that have been bestowed upon me.

I guess the hardest thing for me to admit is that I have a problem, I have PPD. It's more than just the stress of 5 kids, 2 special needs, and all the rest. It's more than just the "baby blues". It is a life halting, sleep deprived, "whack job" existence. How my kids have survived this long is beyond me. I always fear that one day I am going to wake up, and it will all be gone. That my dear spouse is going to look at me and realize I am a lost cause and take the kids and run. That my kids are going to grow up and hate me, resent me for not being a better mom. Irrational thoughts I know, but these are mine daily.

I live my life in a constant state of "High Alert", I think that it's always Defcon 5 in my house. I want so desperetly to be "normal" to feel like I should, but I am afraid that I don't know what that is anymore. I fear that I am pushing away those who are dearest to me, that I will end up alone and old. That no one will love me, that I am undeserving of love from those who do right now.

The overwhelming feelings, the lack of desire to do the simplest tasks, the lack of sleep nad the desperete seeking for the sleep. I feel like I am a ball of nerves all the time. And at the same time, I feel like a loser for feeling this way. Like I some how have to justify me feeling crappy all the time. I should be sleeping, the baby sleeps. I should be happy, I ahve a great husband and 5 great kids. Why am I not? Well, I don't know why not; I just know that I'm not.

I'm not okay, I'm not happy. But some day I would really like to be!

Check out: www.medicatednomore.blogspot.com
It's brought me some great relief, and I look forward to the next "epsiode"

My Trip To Beirut

Okay, so our days have not been so great this past week. And I think that while I Loved the Holland Poem, this is really a more accurate view at my life.



Welcome to Beirut
Written by: Susan F. Rzucidlo

WELCOME TO BEIRUT

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with autism-to try and help people who have not shared in that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this.."

There you are, happy in your life, one or two little ones at your feet. Life is complete and good. One of the children is a little different than the other but of course, he's like your in-laws, and you did marry into the family. It can't be all that bad. One day someone comes up from behind you and throws a black bag over your head. They start kicking you in the stomach and trying to tear your heart out. You are terrified, kicking and screaming you struggle to get away but there are too many of them, they overpower you and stuff you into a trunk of a car. Bruised and dazed, you don't know where you are. What's going to happen to you? Will you live through this? This is the day you get the diagnosis. "YOUR CHILD HAS AUTISM"!
There you are in Beirut, dropped in the middle of a war. You don't know the language and you don't know what is going on. Bombs are dropping "Life long diagnosis" and "Neurologically impaired".

Bullets whiz by "refrigerator mother", " A good smack is all HE needs to straighten up". Your adrenaline races as the clock ticks away your child's chances for "recovery". You sure as heck didn't sign up for this and want out NOW! God has over estimated your abilities.

Unfortunately, there is no one to send your resignation to. You've done everything right in your life, well you tried, well, you weren't caught too often. Hey! you've never even heard of Autism before. You look around and everything looks the same, but different. Your family is the same, your child is the same, but now he has a label and you have a case worker assigned to your family.

She'll call you soon. You feel like a lab rat dropped into a maze. Just as you start to get the first one figured out (early intervention) they drop you into a larger more complex one (school).
Never to be out done, there is always the medical intervention maze. That one is almost never completed. There is always some new "miracle" drug out there. It helps some kids, will it help yours? You will find some if the greatest folks in the world are doing the same maze you are, maybe on another level but a special-ed maze just the same. Tapping into those folks is a great life line to help you get through the day. This really sucks but hey, there are still good times to be had.

WARNING! You do develop and odd sense of humor.

Every so often you get hit by a bullet or bomb not enough to kill you, only enough to leave a gaping wound.

Your child regresses for no apparent reason, and it feels like a kick in the stomach.
Some bully makes fun of your kid and your heart aches.
You're excluded from activities and functions because of your child and you cry.
Your other children are embarrassed to be around your disabled child and you sigh.
You're insurance company refuses to provide therapies for "chronic, life long conditions" and your blood pressure goes up.
Your arm aches from holding onto the phone with yet another bureaucrat or doctor or therapist who holds the power to improve or destroy the quality of your child's life with the stroke of a pen.
You're exhausted because your child doesn't sleep.

And yet, hope springs eternal.

Yes there is hope. There ARE new medications. There IS research going on. There are interventions that help. Thank God for all those who fought so hard before you came along. Your child will make progress.

When he speaks for the first time, maybe not until he is 8 yrs old, your heart will soar. You will know that you have experienced a miracle and you will rejoice. The smallest improvement will look like a huge leap to you. You will marvel at typical development and realize how amazing it is. You will know sorrow like few others and yet you will know joy above joy. You will meet dirty faced angels on playgrounds who are kind to your child without being told to be. There will be a few nurses and doctors who treat your child with respect and who will show you concern and love like few others. Knowing eyes will meet yours in restaurants and malls, they'll understand, they are living through similar times. For those people you will be forever grateful.

Don't get me wrong. This is war and its awful. There are no discharges and when you are gone someone else will have to fight in your place. But, there are lulls in wars, times when the bullets aren't flying and bombs aren't dropping. Flowers are seen and picked. Life long friendships are forged. You share and odd kinship with people from all walks of life. Good times are had, and because we know how bad the bad times are, the good times are even better. Life is good but your life is never normal again, but hey, what fun is normal.

Too Much Time

I'm starting to think my wife is too busy eating bon bons at home with her feet up on the desk while blogging. The other day when I came home, she even had her blogging outfit on. When I inquired as to what was going on, all I got was blog this and blog that. To all of you readers of this blog, I hope you have a very BLOG day.

My Little Ones

I am the mom of 5 wonderful kids, the first two are wonderfully "normal". Then came numbers 3 &4....They are my "special" ones. They have autism. With my son (#3) we didn't find out until he was about 3.5yrs old, and with my daughter (#4) we have some concerns. She just walks to the beat of her own drummer was what we were told, no she beats the drummer up is what we said. Then, came number 5. All I could do was cry; I already have 2 kids with this, why would God send me another one to take care of?? He sent me her to remind me of what a joy my children are. There is nothing sweeter than watching my 2 kids who are "different" than their older siblings interact with their new little sister. To see the joy in my son's eyes when she( the baby) smiles at him, or to hear my daughter sing to her little sister. These are the joys of having a child with autism. The awe and wonder of a new sibling never wears off for them. How jaded life makes us, that the sweeet and simple wonder of a new baby can lose its appeal so quickly. I thank God everyday..ok well most days that is...that I am lucky enough to have my "little ones" in my life. They help me slow down and enjoy the simpler things in life.



Check out our family team at the Walk For Autism Event. We are The Phantastic Phetheans! Thanks, to Jen who let me in on the info, and set up our team. We are walking for our kids who deal with the effects of autism everyday.

A great start to the new school year!

Well we are off to a great start to the new school year. Caleb has decided that he is "big enough" to potty train. He has made the executive decision to wear his big boy chonies, and just let the girls wear diapers because they are babies. This is just the most wonderful thing ever!! We could not be more excited, he went all day yesterday while we were at church, and at home and didn't have one accident. We had one today, but that was while we were at the park. Caleb was so upset, he could not wait to get home to put his underwear on. Keep up the great work Caleb. We are so proud of you!

My Trips Around the World

I got this wonderful email from my Sister-In-Law, and well it describes my life wonderfully. I just had to share this..especially since Italy is not all that it's cracked up to be. I have been to Italy 2x's, and well while I have enjoyed it immensely, there is nothing in the world I would change about my trips to Holland, they are irreplaceable. Enjoy, and a special thanks to the lady who penned this.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

School Shopping

Well today was the day...the day we went school clothes shopping. We (well, me, the kids, and my Mom) went out to Ontario Mills today. We hit all the "big" stores, like Children's Place, Stride Rite, Disney, and Sketchers. Well, sketchers was a new one but it was "fun" just the same. It's always hard to take the kids, coop them up, run them ragged and then wonder why they don't behave. I have to admit, that they did better than I thought they would do. Meghan had a hard time with all the walking, she got a bit antsy. But she made it the whole way. The boys did really well, Caleb was great. He did wander a bit but other than that, he did well. Stephen was wonderful, he was such a great help. He was really excited to get some new clothes for school, but he is at that awkward age, where he wants new clothes but at the same time he isn't sure that he wants the same stuff that he "little brother" would like. He is growing up too fast! He did get a star wars shirt, it is pretty awesome. It's YODA, we finally found one at the Lego store. The hardest thing was trying to find them all shoes. We ended up at Sketchers, and got them there. The boys actually got the same shoes, Caleb has brown and Stephen has blue. Meghan and Kaylie got matching shoes too!

Speaking of Meghan and Kaylie, while we were in JCPenny, looking for uniform stuff for Kay, Meghan decided that she liked/wanted the same jumper that we got for Kay. She is weird. What can I say, I guess she does that a lot. She always picks out a skirt or dress, and Kay...well she likes her jeans and t-shirts. Where Meghan got her "girlieness" is way beyond me...Kay is more on my level than May. I guess she (May) is channeling her inner Auntie Jenny!!

Well, we are well on our way to being ready for school. Which is a good thing, especially since we start on Tuesday. Happy Birthday Meghan!! What a way to spend your birthday huh? Your 1st day of school. Well, I know that I am excited, and I think that the kids are as well. So here's hoping for a Great School Year... at a great new school!

OC Mom's

Well, since I have already admitted that I am a Babycenter.com Addict; it will be no surprise that I am not the only one. And in my defense, I just want to say that well...It's all Debra's fault! She is in theory..my "dealer", she gave me my 1st taste and now I'm hooked! But since it's all good clean fun, Thanks!

So, this past week we had a "OC mom's get together". It was awesome to meet and put faces on some the the names that I already knew online. It was also simply fabulous to get out of the house and get together with other moms who live in my area.

So here is a cute pic of all the OC Moms. I am ashamed to say that I don't remember every one's names...I am just sooo bad with names. But I do know a few, and thanks to Debra for sending me the pic! I am really excited to attend another one, especially since there is already talk about it. I was great to see every one's kids just mesh so well together, and they all played great! Hopefully the next time will go great too!

They just grow up so fast!

Well, Stephen now not only has his own email, but his own blog as well. In all honesty the Blog was my idea, the email was just out of convinence. That said, this is sure to be an interesting read, I am hoping to encourage a love of writing, and some creative thoughts to flow. Maybe Meghan should get one next!!

Special Blessings...and then some other stuff

Well, it has been a very crazy week or few in our house. My Dad was here visiting from Utah last week; he came down to be here when we blessed Delilah. It was the most amazing thing, Delilah's Blessing that is. She was an unexpected addition to our family, but I know that she was meant to join our crazy brood. We blessed her on the 1 year anniversary of our family attending the temple. It was I have to say the best blessing of all of our kids. I know, all my kids blessings were special, but this one will always hold a special place in my heart. Heavenly Father, waited until we had been to the temple to send us this special spirit; That means a lot to me.

So while my Dad was here, we made the requisite trip to Disneyland. The only thing that was different this time, was we actually got passes. So now we can go as a family whenever the mood strikes. I am thinking that Sam and I need to make plans to take the kids 1 on 1, at least the older ones, maybe we ca do the little ones together..But I think that this is awesome. Also, now Sam and I don't have an excuse to not go somewhere on a date. All a D-land date would cost us is the gas to get there! So here's hoping for that to actually happen!

Molly and the ENT

Well, Molly heard that her cousins were stepping out on Dr. Mackey with the ENT, and well she just couldn't let them have all the fun so she had to jump on that band wagon as well. She had her 1st visit with the ENT last week, we saw Dr. Amin. I really liked him. He was so nice and he was great with Molly and all the kids really. Sam went with me, thank heavens; and all 5 kids. We are/were concerned because when we had her hearing tested it showed that she has a Moderate hearing loss. We thought that maybe there was fluid in her ears, but no they were good when they were checked. So now we are waiting for CHOC to call us back to schedule her for an ABR, it's basically a sedated hearing test. They put her under GA, and stimulate her brain/brain stem. It's the most accurate way to test her hearing, and this way if there is a hearing loss they will be able to determine if it's in one or both of her ears, and how severe it really is.
The nice thing was that the Dr, explained everything to us, and took the time to reassure us. All this in the 1st visit! So now we just wait, and see what happens! At least we will finally know, and if there is a problem, we can get her the help that she needs early!

My New Toy

Well, it's official...I have a new toy! And No, it's not Delilah!! It's my New (to me) 2004 GMC Yukon XL Denali. It's so pretty! It's red..sort of its more of a maroon color truly. But I love it just the same. I have missed having a big truck, so much; I liked my van and all but it's so much nicer in my truck. It has so much more space, not just for all the stuff that we lug around, but for the kids as well. We still can only fit our kids, but that is OK. It's nice that the little girls each have their own seats, and both have the LATCH system which is an upgrade from the van as well. The kids are just thrilled that it has a DVD system, with wireless head phones. Not that we ever really use them, cause we only have 2 sets, and 4 kids that would like them..but someday this will be wonderful! I can now listen to the radio while they are watching their movies, and not have to fight over which one is louder!

And of course, Sam being Sam had to make what he called "improvements". Those being little things like Headers, plug wires, and a new muffler and tip. Supposedly the headers are going to help with the fuel economy, still not sure how that is going to work, but hey if it does then YEAH right? The plug wires, well that is just standard (to me at least) stuff. And the muffler and tip...that Delilah and I spent our Sat morn at the muffler shop getting when she was 2 weeks old! It makes my truck just a smidgen louder, and well I like that! You know me, I gotta have the biggest loudest car that I can! But I really do love my truck, and I am so glad that Sam found it for me. And I am so glad that we were able to get such a great deal for it as well. Good Bye Minivan, Hello SUV!!!

Delilah's First Week Home

Well, we have officially made it through our very first week home with Lil' Delilah Rose. She is doing great, and we are all trying to adjust to having a new little one in our home. She is great, she sleeps, she eats, and she puts up with Molly. What more could we ask for?? The kids are doing well, I think that they are getting a little stir crazy, But other than that they are great. Stephen and Meghan just love her (Delilah) to death and want to hold her all the time, Caleb is getting used to her; and Molly is just well Molly. She is not having as hard a time as I thought that she would, But I think that having Sam home to "baby" her has helped a lot with her adjustment.

I know that she felt "displaced" and all when the baby came, she was the baby after all! But she is adjusting, and I am sure that things will get a little easier with time! It's hard to believe that she is already a week old, she is getting so big already. She looks like the perfect mix of Meghan and Caleb. She has the look of Meghan and Molly, but she has Caleb's coloring. Finally Caleb and I have another in our corner!! Poor Caleb, he has been the "odd man out" for so long, being the only kid that wasn't blond, hopefully she stays with the dark hair and eyes!! So we will just have to wait and see! Can't wait to watch her grow, and blossom as a part of our family!

Announcing the arrival of

Delilah Rose Phethean.

Born: Sunday the 6th of July

Time: 4:02pm

Weight: 8 Lbs 4 ounces

Length: 20 inches

We are so excited to finally have her here with us, and home. After a couple of days at the hospital, I think that we are both glad to be home. The kids were so excited to come to see her on Sunday, after she was all cleaned up and looking pretty. Molly just loves her to pieces, and doesn't want anyone to be near here but her. It's so sweet. Caleb loved her from a distance, I think that he was just a little bit overwhelmed with the whole idea. Both Stephen and Meghan were great, They both wanted to hold her, and just love her all the time. I am sure that they will both be a big help in the coming weeks. I will post pictures soon. She really is a cutie!!

Wonderful News!!!

Well, after a week of tears, and misery, for Me and everyone else at my house; My Dr. has so graciously offered to induce me! YEAH Dr. Zepeda!! We love you!! After seeing him 2x's this week, I think that it's more of him taking pity on Sam than one me, But I will take what I can get!! That and I know that he would really like to be the one that delivers this baby. 5 kids and he has yet to deliver one of them. Well maybe 5 times the charm, huh?? So after my appointment today, when there had been no change since we saw him last, which was on Tuesday, he asked me about being induced. He made the point to ask if I would/could wait till Saturday because that is when he is on call. He is on tonight as well, But I highly doubt that we will be making a trip to L&D tonight. So he called the hospital while I was still at the office, and took care of making the arraignments.

So it looks like Sunday is "D-Day"!! I am scheduled to be induced @ 7:30. All I have to do is show up and they will help get this show on the road! I am so relieved to know that there is an end in sight, and that Delilah will be here soon, I wish sooner than later, But I am content with the couple of days that I have left to wait. I know that the kids are really excited to have her here already. Stephen, if he had his way would have me in the hospital right now, and she would be here tonight! I would have loved to have her today, but unless HF has other plans she is just going to have to wait till Sunday!

So here's hoping for a semi quick, not too overly painful delivery this Sunday. Well, Molly came a day after she was due, and it looks like Lilah's going to follow in her big brother Stephen's shoes and come a day before her due date (with a little help that is.)

Final Countdown

Well, I am hoping that this is the final countdown, that we are in the "home stretch". Had my 38 week check up today with my Dr. All looks and sounds great, BUT He won't/can't induce me till I am 39 weeks. GRRRR!! That means, 1 more whole week of being fat and miserable! Poo on St Joe's!! Darn it, if they weren't the best hospital ( in my opinion) then darn it I would have this kid somewhere else! But as it was pointed out to me, then I would not get the private room that I am looking forward too. Yeah Me!! That means that Sam gets/has too stay the night with me. He is going to at least the 1st night that we are there. I really need him, and his help the 1st 24 hours. So, here's hoping and praying that we are able to induce next week, and that we have a baby soon! I am trying to be optimistic, but these hormones are just killing me!! ( I think the rest of my family would agree that the "hormones" are killing them too!!)

Why I love my Hubby

So this actually started as a thread on BBC, and well I think that it's pretty great! So I wanted to share, I even emailed a copy to Sam just to say " I Love You".




So why I love my DH...
1. He loves me, and puts up with me and all my craziness! Now that is *true love*
2. He is the hardest worker that I know.
3. He thinks I'm *hot* even at 9 mo preggo with baby #5, and He loves his kids not matter what. There is nothing that can't be overcome by telling them you love them.
4. He can always make me laugh, and he is always willing to listen to me cry/scream/vent about whatever whenever I need.He always has time for me.
5. He let's me work on his car, and doesn't get *mad* when I do something wrong, or something breaks. He takes the time to show me what and how to do the job the right way.

Drama, Drama, Drama

Well, we found out that Molly doesn't qualify for services at this time, But after talking to our Ped about it, I think that I will wait till she turns 2, and request that she be "re-evaled". I had this feeling like that was going to happen, although we are going to go ahead and get her hearing tested just in case, because we are concerned about her speech. She has a vocabulary, and it's sorta growing but it's not all that clear what she is saying. And she gets REALLY REALLY frustrated when you don't know what the heck she is after.

Speaking of Miss Molly, it's going to be so much fun when this baby comes, talk about the Queen being "de-throned"!! That is exactly what she thinks is about to happen, jealous much are we? Yup!! But on the brighter side of things she went in to the Dr for her 18mo well check,m and she is doing great!! She is 26lbs and 15oz. and 33"tall. That puts her in the 90th percentile for her height and 75th for her weight. Holy Heck!! I mean that is HUGE!! I think that her and Caleb are going to be the "biggest" of all the kids, well we will just have to see what happens with Delilah.

So on to the rest, Stephen had his "Patriotic Program" today, it was so cute! All the 1st graders sung songs about the USA. I will have to post the videos that we took, Meghan,Caleb, and Molly thoroughly enjoyed the performance as well. I know that the kids are super excited that school is almost out.

Meghan is looking forward to her very 1st camp out with the YMCA Indian Princess's. She is going with Dad Meredith and Kaylie,But in the fall her and Sam will be doing it together. I think that this will give them some nice "Daddy/Daughter" time. Meghan is also thrilled that she starts her 1st dance class in a week, something to keep her occupied this summer! Yeah me! Another appointment to keep!! But in all seriousness, I am glad that the kids are going to have stuff to keep them busy this summer, I know that they were worried that with Mom having the baby so soon their summer was going to stink! Stephen is going to do a "Thursday park day" with a few of his friends, he is so excited. He doesn't start until 7/10 but that's okay, it gives him a bit of a break. While Meghan starts her class on the 18th of this month!

Sam is in summer school, so that is a bit of a drag, but I am looking forward to the 2 weeks he is planning on taking off "work" when the baby comes. Then HE will be the one running the kids all over creation and not me for a change! Then we both will be in school in the fall. Crazy I know huh?? But I am only going to take 2 classes and they are both online so that should be kind of fun! Caleb starts summer school, the 24th. He is so m=bummed that he is "done" with school, I am not sure that he can handle a week off! He really thrives on going, he loves it! But I know that he will do great when it starts back up again. And then Soccer starts in Aug. We have both boys playing this year, so that should be fun! It's going to be crazy trying to get to point A and then to point B with 5 kids, but I am always up for an adventure!

Little Miss Molly

Well, Molly had her eval on Wed last week, yes the day from H***! It went really well. The girls who did her eval were really nice, but there was not alot that they could do because of her age. I think that I am going to have to get re-eval(ed) when she turns 2. But we did determine that she has some speech issues, so they are going to recommend speech therapy for her. I am hoping that it's as simple as that. I would just love for speech to solve all the other "issues" that we are experiencing.

I am hoping that with Delilah getting into OCKIDS, that I will be able to get Molly in as well, and I still have not heard about Caleb and his referral either. I did call today and leave a msg about it with the Peds office, but with them you just never know! I guess if all else fails, I will just have to ask when I take Molly in for her 18mo well check. That's just crazy to me! She is almost 18mos, and we will be having Delilah so soon after! Well, we should hopefully be hearing fromOCkids about the baby soon. They are doing a study and would like to include her, so it should be intersting. They will follow her from birth, to see if she shows signs of things like Autism before age 2. Here's hoping for the best!

Update Numero Dose!

Well, we heard back from the Dr., everything looks GREAT!! They are going to keep a close eye on her heartrate and all from now on, but they said that mys strip from my NST looked normal. Yeah! That is a HUGE relief, and load off my shoulders. They Did say taht I should mention it to my Ped, just so it's on record when she is born. I know that we had a echo done in the hosiptal when we had Molly, so I am sure that Delilah won't be any different! So now we head into the final stretch, we have our last of the "2 week" visits on the 12th, and then we go EVERY week. Now that is going to be fun! The kids out of school, Caleb's speech, my Dr. appts...Sam is going to be very busy!!

Update Time

Well, I figured that it was about time for an "update" on how the pregnancy has gone so far. As of today we are 34 weeks and 2 days. We had our 1st of the "2 week" visits, and the next is ironically the last day of school for my kids! Yeah, isn't that going to be fun, taking 4 kids to the Dr with me! Well, I guess now we are going to have to send Sam to speech with Caleb, and the kids will just have to go with him! Anyway, so I had to have a NST or in real people talk..A NON Stress Test. Basically, they hook you up to the monitor like in L&D, and check the baby for about an hour. I saw the NP today, (nurse practitioner) and she was concerned with some D-Cells that she heard when checking the baby's heartbeat in the office. Well, it appears that there might be a slight arrhythmia with her heart. I am not sure how to feel about this, is it a blessing that if there is a problem that it was caught now, and not after she is born like what happened with Meghan? Or is this one of those "ignorance is bliss" kind of things? Jen.. help me out here??

Well, that is about it for now. I will keep you posted, other than the little scare we had today she is doing great! She is right where she should be growth wise, and I am just hoping that she is healthy!

Just a rant!

Well, since there is no one to scream at right now, with the kids being "banished" to the backyard and Sam being at work this is just going to have to do. GRRRR!!! That is the "cleanest" way to express my frusteration. And well since I am trying really hard to use "clean" words I thought it best to stick with the grr's.

So here is my "Rant" for the day.....

Caleb is making me so frustrated! He screams and cries over every little thing especially when he does not get his way. And according to his Teacher and Speech Therapist this is JUST happening at home. I know that I should be grateful that he is doing so well at school and speech, but at the same time i am just grr that we are having these issues at home. I mean it's just ridiculous the stuff that he does, he whines like a baby when he wants something, and i feel like we are just going backwards with his progress. and i know that it is not just me, i know that Sam is just as grr as I am. Not that it helps at all, I wish that he would listen to me when I talk about Caleb. he still thinks that we can just treat him "normal" like the other kids, but the truth of the matter is that we cannot. I know that knowing that in and of itself can be and often is frustrating, especially now that the older kids are "noticing" that Caleb is "different". It started with Stephen, he started mimicking certain behaviors of Caleb's and got really upset when He got in trouble for them, and that Caleb doesn't. How do I explain to my 7 year old that it is NOT OK for him to act that way, but that his 4 yr old brother just "doesn't know any better"?

Now we are having "issues" with Molly. She has gotten really aggressive as of late, her favorite target as of the last few days has been Caleb, but i have noticed that she is branching out. It grrs me when the kids see what she is doing, and don't A) stop her or B) tell a adult that she is doing it. I mean Stephen sat and watched her "pound" on Caleb the other night. She was hitting him on the head with her sippy cup while he was sleeping. I guess we will just have to wait and see what her eval. says with Regional Center next week. Here's hoping that it goes well!

Speaking of Stephen, man I am at the end of my rope with that child. I have had enough of his freaking attitude to last a millennium. He is so defiant, and rude to everyone. I am worried about him, and wonder if I should talk to Sam about putting him in counseling. I just don't know what to do with him these days, I mean i love him, but i want to put him on a corner with a sign that says "free kid" some days. Today being one of those days.

And then there was Meghan, I feel like sometimes right now she is the one that is lost in the shuffle, I guess I should be glad that she spends a lot of her time at the Meredith's but then i feel like I am somehow failing her has a Mom. It was the same with Caleb when he was little, before we found out about his "issues". He was the one lost in the shuffle, and now it's May. She tries so hard to please, and do as she is told, but there are times that i want to ring her little neck. I know she is probably feeling left out, and all that and I try to understand I really do. but sometimes it's really hard to see past the grr at the moment. But she just keeps on trying, and that is all that matters right? at least for now I have one kid who isn't out to put me in the "loony bin"!!

Well, there that is much better, I am glad that i got that off my chest. Much better to put it here than to take it out on my already stressed out family. What are we going to do with Lilah when she comes...poor girl is coming into one crazy house. Hope she's up for it....on second thought, I hope we are too!

Stephen's Baseball Season

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Here is a few pics of Stephen from his very 1st Baseball season. He did great! He can not wait to play again next season! I am glad for the break! But I will say that it was great fun while it lasted!!

Day at the Neuro

Well Caleb went in for is Semi-Annual visit with Dr. Bose today. It went well, she noticed some "new" behavior with him, and suggested that we get a referral to OCKIDS. I was thinking "YEAH!!", because not only would He get services, BUT both little girls (Molly now and Delilah, after she gets here!) would be able to as well, that and they contract with Regional Center which is a HUGE bonus. I guess they have some program that tracks the development of children from 1-12 months especially if there is a history of Autism/ADD/ADHD. So I am hoping that we will be able to get in. I know that the Neuro clinic was going to fax the request for the referral to Dr. Mackey today, but with that office you never know! So since we are going to be there tomorrow for Molly I am going to talk to him about it then as well. I am just hoping that it comes through. According to Dr. Bose, they offer "advocate" like services as well as regular Dr visits and all that jazz. Here's keeping my fingers crossed!

Happy Birthday Sam!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMMY J! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Sam just found out that a few of his co-workers got our WHOLE family tix to go to Lego land on the 23rd. His friend/co-worker Laura even talked to his boss and got him the day off! It was priceless, I guess he was shocked! My poor boy is getting so old...he's a whopping' 27 years old today! But he's still pretty cute for his age so I think i will keep him around for a few more years!!

And it begins again...

So we recently called Regional Center re: Molly. Due to Caleb's issues, we have to have her evaluated as well. Yeah me. right? Well I met with the intake coordinator on Tuesday this week, and she said that Molly more than qualified for a "formal evaluation", but that she would have to present the case on Wednesday and then she would let me know. I know that this is going to sound horrible, but I was kind of hoping that she would be denied! I know! I know! I just feel like due to Caleb, well being Caleb, she kind of lives under a microscope. But truth be told, there are some...behaviors that worry Sam and I.

I have never seen a 17mo so freaking aggressive! She beat the heck out of Caleb last night, I took a video of it on my phone and sent it to Sam so that he could see what I was always talking about. It's really hared, I mean we tell her that it's not O.K. to behave that way; but she just kind of looks at you like you are speaking another language. I am going to have to have Sam download that video for me....so I guess it's kind of a good thing that she is scheduled for her eval on teh 28th of May. That and today she walked right up to a little girl at therapy and hit her, Hard! I was so embarrased! She was so mean! Then she freaking bit me when I picked her up and told her NO, that she would not be playing if she could not be nice! I dread her getting a little bit bigger. I don't want to be one of those "moms" on the Maury Pauvich show that get the crap beat out of her by her kids! JK :)

Oh well, let's hope the eval gives us some clues as to what is "really" going on with her. She's too cute to be so mean!

Bad News

So, I got the worst news ever last night. I found out that my brother was arrested, again. Part of me was shocked, and part of me was stuck in limb waiting for this day to come. I know that it sounds really horrible, and maybe it is. But the truth of the matter is simple, he just doesn't care how much he hurts us.

I am at a loss as to what I can do, or what to say to/for my mom. I want to help, and get her through this the best way that I can. But I am not even sure how I am going to get through this. All I can think is that I might never see him again, what's going to happen to him? Did I not love him enough? Was I a horrible sister? I know that this has nothing to do with me, intellectually speaking, but emotionally I feel as if I have failed him. I feel like I am failing my family right now.

In some ways I hope that this is the end, I really want my mom to be able to focus on herself; Her getting better, and being able to enjoy her life a little bit. But I just don't know how either of us is going to do that. I love him, despite all that has happened, he is my brother, my blood and I love him more than he could ever comprehend. My heart breaks for him, that he is so unhappy that he sees this as the only path to finding the happiness that eludes him.

Pictures from the Temple

So, well I have had the pictures that my AWESOME big bro Rik took for us at the San Diego Temple for a little while now. They really turned out awesome, we just love them. So I put together a "slide show" of some of my fave pics. Enjoy!

Make a slideshow - it's easy!

Cool New Features

So, I added some stuff to my blog. As I am sure you can see, but I think that it's pretty cool. I figured it out all by myself. So I am prety stoked! I love this website called Lilypie.com. You can create "tickers" for almost anything. I found out about them on Babycenter. I have one for Molly as my "siggie" on there. I like them cause they are soo easy to use, and then it let's people know what you want them to know. Now when people ask me how much longer I have with the pregnancy, I can just say." Check my Blog!!" Sweet huh??

Sam hearts HOT MOMS!

Okay, so before I begin I just have to say, Thanks Jen for that t-shirt for Sam! Okay so now for the explanation.... so we are at a pizza party for Stephen's baseball team today. Sam decided to wear his "hot moms" t-shirt. Not a problem, he has worn it many times with no problems. Well today was different. Some chick at the Lamppost Pizza that we were at saw Sam and his now infamous shirt, and started hitting on him! Now for those who know my sweetie well, this was well freaking hilarious for me, and extremely uncomfortable for Sam. She said nice shirt, he said thanks, she asked what makes a mom "hot"? He said, um mm, while turning a shade of red that I am not sure that I have ever seen him turn before.

Now Sam being well, let's face it Sam; did not know what to say or how to respond. So he stood there and feebly attempted to extricate himself from the situation. Now any other guy, married or in a relationship would have said, Thanks my wife/gf gave it to me when asked about their shirt. And when grilled as to what makes a "mom hot?", would have answered again with you should ask my wife/gf. But alas poor Sam did none of these things, and was forced to try and talk his way out. Hopefully this will be a lesson to the poor boy, next time just send them your wife's way!

Addicted to BabyCenter

Okay, so here it is...I am an addict. I am ADDICTED to Babycenter.com. There it's out, I said it! WOW! It's so nice to get that off my chest. Okay, so in pursuit of my addictions I came across a thread that hit home with me. One of the members of the LDSfamilies board that I read and post on, was recently called to be the Laurel advisor. She recently found out that one her laurels is aprox. 6mo preg. She was a lttle miffed that she was not told of the situation by the YW pres. She asked for people's opinions, as well as how she could possibly help this girl.

WELL she opened a HUGE can of worms. There has been a gamut of response that range from supportive, but slightly distanced to those that are extremely judgemental. Well in light of this particular topic, it got me thinking about well when I was pregnant with Stephen. I was a laurel, active in my ward..well to a certain extent. But the one thing that I remember, was that I was never asked to leave YW just because I was pregnant. I was never treated less than the other girls because I had chosen a different path. After Sam and I got married, and after Stephen was born I naturally went to Relief Society, but so did all the other girls that were in my Laurel class.

So reading all the posts that people had written made me so glad that I not only had a supportive family, but that the members of my ward were so supportive as well. Now i don't by any means think that they supported the choice that i had made to have sex before i got married, but they treated me no different just the same.

Sam's gotta motocycle

Well I guess Hell has frozen over... 'cause well Sammy J. got himself a motorcyle. I know, I know, I said that I would never let him get one. Well that was before gas prices hit $4 a gal. Well I know that they are not there quite yet, but it's just a matter of time. And well since going down to one car was not an opetion, well this works out quite nicely. Sam is enrolled in and and is participating in a Riders Class this weekend. It sucks, but it has to be done. So here is a picture of his "new baby"; It's pretty nice I will admit!

Hopefully No One's Reading this

Well, here's hoping that this can be my little sactuary for a while, but I have to get this off my chest. So Sam and I just and I mean JUST found out that we are preggo again. And well this was not what we had planned for our lives right now. I am having a really hard time with this right now, I know that everything happens for a reason and that we are never given more than we can handle. But right now I just do not know how the heck I am supposed to be able to handle this. Very few people know at this point, The Meredith's know of course and my mom. They (the aforementioned people) had some suspicions and were concerned so they voiced them. But I have no desire to tell the "Phethean" side of the family at all. I am already having such a hard time dealing with this, that I just don't want to deal with all the negativity from them as well. I guess the hardest part for me to deal with is the fact that it was not like we (Sam and I) were not being careful. There were precautions taken, and well they just did not do their jobs very well. That and the fact that well things have gotten progressively worse with each subsequent delivery. Molly being the worst of all. I am so afraid of what could happen with this one. There are so many unknowns, and things that could go wrong. And on top of all that, all that I can think is how the heck am I going to handle another one??? Molly is barely 15mo old, Caleb JUST started school, I had plans to go back to school in the fall. GRRR!!! Well here's hoping that 1. No one is reading this. And 2. That Heavenly Father knows what is best for me, cause right now I am just freaking out!

Baseball season's in Full Swing!

So Stephen, my sweet sweet Stephen has "finally" started baseball. He had his "1st game" (we technically missed the 1st one cause he was sick) on Tuesday. He did AWESOME! His 1st time up at bat..he hit a double!! I think that is what it's called.. you know when you hit and run to 2 bases??!! Well anyway, he had so much fun! He is on the Kansas City Royals, and they played the Angels on Tuesday. He was so excited to be on the Royals, He has a couple of cousins that live in Kansas.... are the Royals from Kansas?









Anyway, so then his last up at bat he was running the bases, and the catcher ran up the 3rd base line, and tagged him. He was devestated! He thought he was out! Little did he know that he had to keep going to home, and that he wasn't out! It was cute!

So tired...but so hungry too

So i just had to add this video of Molly. She was so tired, but the thought of giving up her cheese it's was just unbearable!

Caleb's 1st Day!

Just wanted to start the month of March out on a high note! I am so excited to say that Caleb started Pre-School on the 25th of February.. YEAH !! He is currently attending Brookhaven Elementary in the Search and Serve Pre-School program. He is loving it, and so am I! He takes the bus to and from school every Monday and Wednesday. It is great because not only do I not have to drive him, BUT I don't have to stress out about making sure that I can pick everyone up on time! We are hoping that this will help with all the "issues" that we are dealing with at home. So, can you tell that Caleb was "excited" for his 1st day of school?? Doesn't he look cute?? He also rode the bus home that day...much to his enjoyment!!

Wow, Molly doesn't look a thing like her daddy does she??

Bath Time

Wow, Molly taking a bath in the sink... I'm not sure that she would still fit! It is crazy what you find when you are going through pictures of your kids!

Ughhh

You ever have one of those days? Days that feel like they are never going to end? Well that has been my day so far. I have had a sick kid for the last week...(Jen you beat me on this cause you have 2! ) it has either been Caleb or Molly, thankfully not together! That said, I have been dragging everyone out for all of Caleb's "stuff". Now it's Friday, and well while I am happy I dread the weekend in the same breath. All that this means is that instead of 2 kids all day, now I have 4. Add the rain to that senario and what do you have??? A cranky Krystin! :)

Here's hoping for a quite, fun filled, and healthy weekend! Yeah Right!

To speak or Not to speak?

P.S. here is a not so current pic of our family.. that is my dad on thr right!

I have come to the conclusion, that there are some things that are better left unsaid. No matter how hard you try, sometimes you just can't help but put your foot in your mouth. While i am not going to delve into all the gory details, i will add that while i love my hubby sometimes i want to shoot him. it never ceases to amaze me that he can be loyal even when that loyalty is so not deserved, which to be honest is one of the great many things that i love about him. now that said, back to my point...i hate people! i think that people freaking suck. i guess since i did not grow up in a family that was entrenched in "togetherness" sometimes i have a hard time with it. But it seems to me that "togetherness" is overrated once you are married and have a family of your own. Isn't the whole purpose of raising our kids to teach them how to grow up and have families of their own? why then would you encroach yourself upon your child's family in every possible way? why would you then, guilt your child if they chose to live their life, and the lives of THEIR FAMILY with out your every input? Perhaps it is just me, and my jaded family life talking. But i really don't think so. While i love my hubby, most of the time it's his "family" that i could really do without. It seems that when they are involved, everything is magnified 100X's, and well that is not always a good thing. It seems that the more they are involved, the more they drive others away.

Down on the Farm

Well my little Meghan had her very 1st field trip at school on the 18th of January. She along with her class vistited a local farm. She was so excited, and came home with so much to tell about her trip. I was not sure if she was more excited about the bus ride there, or the actual farm. But either way she had a blast! And thanks to Grandma for going with her on her little excursion! Saved me from having to find a sitter for both Molly and Caleb. YEAH GRANDMA!!

BTW...This is Meghan holding a baby chick! Cute huh?

Back for more...

Well i am back to continue on with this idea of sharing with the world all about my kids and the crazy lives that my family leads. First let me tell you about my family. I am married, have been for a few years. Have 4 yes that's right count em' 4 kids. Stephen my oldest is almost 7, Meghan is 51/2, Caleb just turned 4 and that leaves little Miss Molly who is currently 13 mos. old. My hubby is a car fanatic, and well that has in turned rubbed off a little on the rest of us. Our lives currently revolve around Caleb and his hectic therapy schedule. We thought that it would be fun to mix it up a bit, and put the kids in sports! YEAH ME!! So now, Stephen will be playing Baseball. Meghan and hopefully Caleb will be enjoying a season of Soccer. Who has time for Chaos when you have kids!??

Hello World

As I am new to this "blogging" thing, please forgive my feeble attempts into this forray. It was suggested to me that I begin blog, hopefully this will help you understand me, and maybe I can say some interesting things along the way.