Happy Birthday Molly.
While, sometimes it's trying, we would never change who you are and what you bring to our family. We would never be the same without you. We love you and are so thankfull that you are ours!!
Love,
Mom and Dad
Punk Rock Girl
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Molly's IEP
So, we had Molly's IEP meeting yesterday..the day FROM HELL!! It just didn't start off on the right foot, But on to the "juicy stuff"!! So, after some drama and tears..(mostly on my end) Sam and I finally made it to the meeting. It went...O.K....not as well as I would have hoped. I am of the mind that they are only offering services to cover their own asses...*ie: Caleb* but I am trying not to complain to much because at least she is getting something...1 hour a week of social skills, individual OT and speech..O.k., that is great. But so, then how and when is she supposed to put those "social" skills to work?? Because not only is she NOT potty trained, but she has issues that make that an issue, But no preschool is going to tolerate her behavior issues...so when are Those going to be addressed? Well, I am willing to give this a try, But I am also not going to sit around on my ass while she gets the shaft. I am willing to fight to get her what she needs.
On a side note, came across this poem on a thread on BBC, it was just what I needed to see/hear today.
A meeting was held quite far from earth
It was time again for another birth.
Said the Angles to the Lord above-
“This special child will need much love.
“His progress may be very slow,
“Accomplishment he may not show.
“And he’ll require extra care
“From the folks she meets down there.
“He may not laugh or play,
“His thoughts may seem far away,
“So many times he will be labeled
“’different’, ‘helpless’, and ‘disabled.’
“So let’s be careful where he’s sent.
“We want his life to be content.
“Please, Lord, find the parents who
“Will do a special job for you.
“They will not realize right away
“The leading role they are asked to play.
“But with this child sent from above
“Comes stronger faith, and richer love.
“And soon they’ll know the privilege given
“In caring for their gift from heaven.
“Their precious charge, so meek and mild
“Is heaven’s very special child.”
On a side note, came across this poem on a thread on BBC, it was just what I needed to see/hear today.
A meeting was held quite far from earth
It was time again for another birth.
Said the Angles to the Lord above-
“This special child will need much love.
“His progress may be very slow,
“Accomplishment he may not show.
“And he’ll require extra care
“From the folks she meets down there.
“He may not laugh or play,
“His thoughts may seem far away,
“So many times he will be labeled
“’different’, ‘helpless’, and ‘disabled.’
“So let’s be careful where he’s sent.
“We want his life to be content.
“Please, Lord, find the parents who
“Will do a special job for you.
“They will not realize right away
“The leading role they are asked to play.
“But with this child sent from above
“Comes stronger faith, and richer love.
“And soon they’ll know the privilege given
“In caring for their gift from heaven.
“Their precious charge, so meek and mild
“Is heaven’s very special child.”
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Snuff By Slipknot
I am not the hugest of Slipknot fans, to be completely honest, they scare me a little. But This Song is my fave. It speaks to me, the lyrics are just beautiful. This is a birds eye view of my feelings...
Snuff
(Verse)
Bury all your secrets in my skin
come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
and love is just a camouflauge for what resembles rage again
(bridge)
So if you love me let me go
and run away before i know
My heart is just too dark to care
i can't destroy what isn't there
(chorus)
Deliver me into my fate
if i'm alone i cannot hateI don't deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
if i can change i hope i never know
(Verse)
I still press your letters to my lips
and cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your lights
but all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight
(bridge)
So save your breath, i will not care
i think i made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
is that suppose to be enough?
(chorus)
I only wish you weren't my friend
then i could hurt you in the end
i never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
it took the death of hope to let you go
(bridge)
So break yourself against my stonesand spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
you sold me out to save yourself
(chorus)
And i won't listen to your shame
you ran away, you'are all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
if you still care don't ever let me know
if you still care don't ever let me know
Snuff
(Verse)
Bury all your secrets in my skin
come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
and love is just a camouflauge for what resembles rage again
(bridge)
So if you love me let me go
and run away before i know
My heart is just too dark to care
i can't destroy what isn't there
(chorus)
Deliver me into my fate
if i'm alone i cannot hateI don't deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
if i can change i hope i never know
(Verse)
I still press your letters to my lips
and cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your lights
but all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight
(bridge)
So save your breath, i will not care
i think i made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
is that suppose to be enough?
(chorus)
I only wish you weren't my friend
then i could hurt you in the end
i never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
it took the death of hope to let you go
(bridge)
So break yourself against my stonesand spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
you sold me out to save yourself
(chorus)
And i won't listen to your shame
you ran away, you'are all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
if you still care don't ever let me know
if you still care don't ever let me know
***DISCLAIMER***
This is a vent, me whining about life, and either how much i dislike, or what i dislike about it...so read at your own risk.
Life sucks peanuts!! That is all, in a "nutshell" how I feel. I wish that I could say that it was just today, or this week, or the past few weeks. But if I am honest with myself, I would have to say it's the last few months that I have felt this way. I am overwhelmed that is easy to say and even easier to see. I am a SAHM with 5 kids, 2 of whom are special needs. But it goes beyond that. Sometimes i think that it would be so much easier to use the number and needs of my children as a crutch, something to hide the reasons that i am sad, or angry or just plain fed up with life about. But i know that not only would that not be fair to my kids, it wouldn't solve anything, in fact it would probably only make things worse.
I guess I could use this "post" to talk about me for a change. Who I am, what i like to do, stupid crap like that. But herein lies the issue..who the heck am i? I'm a wife, a mom, a taxi driver, a maid, a personal chef. But WHO AM I?? Who am I outside of all the afore mentioned things? I know that I am all those, But i also hope that I am more. That there is more to me than just "Mom". So, I tried going to school this semester....Epic FAIL!!! While it started out swell, it faded quickly just like everything else. Everyone and Everything ELSE takes priority over Me!
I know that it seems like an easy fix, but i just don't know how to....how do you undo 10 years of life, and habits, and all that? I guess i think that for a "normal" person it would probably be easy...but I am anything but normal. Maybe if you took away the Bi-Polar aspect, I might have a fighting chance...who knows! But alas, that is not my case...mine is alive and well and screwing up as much as possible. But I try so hard to not overcome, but move past perhaps. To not let it rule who I am and what I do with my life....I just find that increasingly harder and harder to do these days.
What makes it even harder, is that while I intellectually know that i should turn to the church for support, I find that is where I find the least amount. It has been so for some time, it doesn't mean that I don't believe, or that I am falling away or what have you....it just makes me sad. The one place that is supposed to be a safe haven, feels like a prison cell. I have been staying away from BBC, and the like, because I find that instead of making me feel hope and uplifting me...I get the opposite from the posts, and subsequently the people. I walk away feeling dejected and lower than filth because I am having a hard time in my life. I don't blame those who are participating, perhaps for them it's what they seek or need. But it's neither for me. I wish that I felt that i had more friends in the church, that I fit in better in my ward. I try and become active in the classes, and participate in the activities...but that is beginning to feel like a chore, and it's becoming to much for me to handle. I wish that my kids had more friends in the ward as well, It seems like only Stephen and Molly have any....Poor Meghan, she is the only girl now and that makes it hard for her to want to attend primary. I make her go, but I fear that she is going to grow to resent Sam and i for doing so. And Caleb, I just ache for him...he so desperately wants to have friends and play, but it's like that clique of "cool kids", he just doesn't make the cut. I have the same fear for Molly as she grows older, it's easy to attribute somethings to age right now, but that excuse is rapidly wearing thin. And all of this wears thin on me. I am growing weary of trying to fit in, to mold myself into something good enough. I didn't choose the same path, but does that make my path less right for me? No, but yet I feel so inadequate.
This is a vent, me whining about life, and either how much i dislike, or what i dislike about it...so read at your own risk.
Life sucks peanuts!! That is all, in a "nutshell" how I feel. I wish that I could say that it was just today, or this week, or the past few weeks. But if I am honest with myself, I would have to say it's the last few months that I have felt this way. I am overwhelmed that is easy to say and even easier to see. I am a SAHM with 5 kids, 2 of whom are special needs. But it goes beyond that. Sometimes i think that it would be so much easier to use the number and needs of my children as a crutch, something to hide the reasons that i am sad, or angry or just plain fed up with life about. But i know that not only would that not be fair to my kids, it wouldn't solve anything, in fact it would probably only make things worse.
I guess I could use this "post" to talk about me for a change. Who I am, what i like to do, stupid crap like that. But herein lies the issue..who the heck am i? I'm a wife, a mom, a taxi driver, a maid, a personal chef. But WHO AM I?? Who am I outside of all the afore mentioned things? I know that I am all those, But i also hope that I am more. That there is more to me than just "Mom". So, I tried going to school this semester....Epic FAIL!!! While it started out swell, it faded quickly just like everything else. Everyone and Everything ELSE takes priority over Me!
I know that it seems like an easy fix, but i just don't know how to....how do you undo 10 years of life, and habits, and all that? I guess i think that for a "normal" person it would probably be easy...but I am anything but normal. Maybe if you took away the Bi-Polar aspect, I might have a fighting chance...who knows! But alas, that is not my case...mine is alive and well and screwing up as much as possible. But I try so hard to not overcome, but move past perhaps. To not let it rule who I am and what I do with my life....I just find that increasingly harder and harder to do these days.
What makes it even harder, is that while I intellectually know that i should turn to the church for support, I find that is where I find the least amount. It has been so for some time, it doesn't mean that I don't believe, or that I am falling away or what have you....it just makes me sad. The one place that is supposed to be a safe haven, feels like a prison cell. I have been staying away from BBC, and the like, because I find that instead of making me feel hope and uplifting me...I get the opposite from the posts, and subsequently the people. I walk away feeling dejected and lower than filth because I am having a hard time in my life. I don't blame those who are participating, perhaps for them it's what they seek or need. But it's neither for me. I wish that I felt that i had more friends in the church, that I fit in better in my ward. I try and become active in the classes, and participate in the activities...but that is beginning to feel like a chore, and it's becoming to much for me to handle. I wish that my kids had more friends in the ward as well, It seems like only Stephen and Molly have any....Poor Meghan, she is the only girl now and that makes it hard for her to want to attend primary. I make her go, but I fear that she is going to grow to resent Sam and i for doing so. And Caleb, I just ache for him...he so desperately wants to have friends and play, but it's like that clique of "cool kids", he just doesn't make the cut. I have the same fear for Molly as she grows older, it's easy to attribute somethings to age right now, but that excuse is rapidly wearing thin. And all of this wears thin on me. I am growing weary of trying to fit in, to mold myself into something good enough. I didn't choose the same path, but does that make my path less right for me? No, but yet I feel so inadequate.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)