This is gonna be a cross-blog post...so sorry!!
Here it goes...Here is what started all the steam screaming from my ears. That's right stupid Mother Freaking BBC. WOW!! I don't know why or how it is that I am still amazed at how stupid and judgemental some people can be. O.k., so I was checking to see that the link worked...WRONG idea!! Wow!! Some people just like to put other people down!! Can't wait to see how this one unfolds!!
Showing posts with label BBC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BBC. Show all posts
Friday, March 19, 2010
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
***DISCLAIMER***
This is a vent, me whining about life, and either how much i dislike, or what i dislike about it...so read at your own risk.
Life sucks peanuts!! That is all, in a "nutshell" how I feel. I wish that I could say that it was just today, or this week, or the past few weeks. But if I am honest with myself, I would have to say it's the last few months that I have felt this way. I am overwhelmed that is easy to say and even easier to see. I am a SAHM with 5 kids, 2 of whom are special needs. But it goes beyond that. Sometimes i think that it would be so much easier to use the number and needs of my children as a crutch, something to hide the reasons that i am sad, or angry or just plain fed up with life about. But i know that not only would that not be fair to my kids, it wouldn't solve anything, in fact it would probably only make things worse.
I guess I could use this "post" to talk about me for a change. Who I am, what i like to do, stupid crap like that. But herein lies the issue..who the heck am i? I'm a wife, a mom, a taxi driver, a maid, a personal chef. But WHO AM I?? Who am I outside of all the afore mentioned things? I know that I am all those, But i also hope that I am more. That there is more to me than just "Mom". So, I tried going to school this semester....Epic FAIL!!! While it started out swell, it faded quickly just like everything else. Everyone and Everything ELSE takes priority over Me!
I know that it seems like an easy fix, but i just don't know how to....how do you undo 10 years of life, and habits, and all that? I guess i think that for a "normal" person it would probably be easy...but I am anything but normal. Maybe if you took away the Bi-Polar aspect, I might have a fighting chance...who knows! But alas, that is not my case...mine is alive and well and screwing up as much as possible. But I try so hard to not overcome, but move past perhaps. To not let it rule who I am and what I do with my life....I just find that increasingly harder and harder to do these days.
What makes it even harder, is that while I intellectually know that i should turn to the church for support, I find that is where I find the least amount. It has been so for some time, it doesn't mean that I don't believe, or that I am falling away or what have you....it just makes me sad. The one place that is supposed to be a safe haven, feels like a prison cell. I have been staying away from BBC, and the like, because I find that instead of making me feel hope and uplifting me...I get the opposite from the posts, and subsequently the people. I walk away feeling dejected and lower than filth because I am having a hard time in my life. I don't blame those who are participating, perhaps for them it's what they seek or need. But it's neither for me. I wish that I felt that i had more friends in the church, that I fit in better in my ward. I try and become active in the classes, and participate in the activities...but that is beginning to feel like a chore, and it's becoming to much for me to handle. I wish that my kids had more friends in the ward as well, It seems like only Stephen and Molly have any....Poor Meghan, she is the only girl now and that makes it hard for her to want to attend primary. I make her go, but I fear that she is going to grow to resent Sam and i for doing so. And Caleb, I just ache for him...he so desperately wants to have friends and play, but it's like that clique of "cool kids", he just doesn't make the cut. I have the same fear for Molly as she grows older, it's easy to attribute somethings to age right now, but that excuse is rapidly wearing thin. And all of this wears thin on me. I am growing weary of trying to fit in, to mold myself into something good enough. I didn't choose the same path, but does that make my path less right for me? No, but yet I feel so inadequate.
This is a vent, me whining about life, and either how much i dislike, or what i dislike about it...so read at your own risk.
Life sucks peanuts!! That is all, in a "nutshell" how I feel. I wish that I could say that it was just today, or this week, or the past few weeks. But if I am honest with myself, I would have to say it's the last few months that I have felt this way. I am overwhelmed that is easy to say and even easier to see. I am a SAHM with 5 kids, 2 of whom are special needs. But it goes beyond that. Sometimes i think that it would be so much easier to use the number and needs of my children as a crutch, something to hide the reasons that i am sad, or angry or just plain fed up with life about. But i know that not only would that not be fair to my kids, it wouldn't solve anything, in fact it would probably only make things worse.
I guess I could use this "post" to talk about me for a change. Who I am, what i like to do, stupid crap like that. But herein lies the issue..who the heck am i? I'm a wife, a mom, a taxi driver, a maid, a personal chef. But WHO AM I?? Who am I outside of all the afore mentioned things? I know that I am all those, But i also hope that I am more. That there is more to me than just "Mom". So, I tried going to school this semester....Epic FAIL!!! While it started out swell, it faded quickly just like everything else. Everyone and Everything ELSE takes priority over Me!
I know that it seems like an easy fix, but i just don't know how to....how do you undo 10 years of life, and habits, and all that? I guess i think that for a "normal" person it would probably be easy...but I am anything but normal. Maybe if you took away the Bi-Polar aspect, I might have a fighting chance...who knows! But alas, that is not my case...mine is alive and well and screwing up as much as possible. But I try so hard to not overcome, but move past perhaps. To not let it rule who I am and what I do with my life....I just find that increasingly harder and harder to do these days.
What makes it even harder, is that while I intellectually know that i should turn to the church for support, I find that is where I find the least amount. It has been so for some time, it doesn't mean that I don't believe, or that I am falling away or what have you....it just makes me sad. The one place that is supposed to be a safe haven, feels like a prison cell. I have been staying away from BBC, and the like, because I find that instead of making me feel hope and uplifting me...I get the opposite from the posts, and subsequently the people. I walk away feeling dejected and lower than filth because I am having a hard time in my life. I don't blame those who are participating, perhaps for them it's what they seek or need. But it's neither for me. I wish that I felt that i had more friends in the church, that I fit in better in my ward. I try and become active in the classes, and participate in the activities...but that is beginning to feel like a chore, and it's becoming to much for me to handle. I wish that my kids had more friends in the ward as well, It seems like only Stephen and Molly have any....Poor Meghan, she is the only girl now and that makes it hard for her to want to attend primary. I make her go, but I fear that she is going to grow to resent Sam and i for doing so. And Caleb, I just ache for him...he so desperately wants to have friends and play, but it's like that clique of "cool kids", he just doesn't make the cut. I have the same fear for Molly as she grows older, it's easy to attribute somethings to age right now, but that excuse is rapidly wearing thin. And all of this wears thin on me. I am growing weary of trying to fit in, to mold myself into something good enough. I didn't choose the same path, but does that make my path less right for me? No, but yet I feel so inadequate.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Stupid People Suck
For the record, This is a VENT!!
There, now that I have that little "disclaimer" out in the open, here it goes!!
So, as I have previoulsy addmitted too, I am a BBC addict. That said normally I really enjoy my time spent on that site. I really enjoy having a place to go and "chat" with other LDS ladies, learn some new things, listen to new ideas, etc. But lately it seems that I have been setting myself up for trouble. I seem to be "drawn" to threads that are going to get me in trouble! I find it really sad, and extrememly irritating when people are so closed minded, and naive about life in general. Just because you choose to live in a little bubble does not mean that the rest of of world does or that they should have too.
So, here is the "real" story as to why I am so pissed. 1st of all, I should never have clicked on this thread, "Spin off: The Duggar's, and Plan B". Just the title alone should have been a HUGE red flag for me, NOT to open, read, and post...but feeling optomistic, and confident in my "grown upness" to not get sucked into something that was going to get ugly...I read, and posted. Then someone esle posted, and then another...here is where it gets..."sticky". This person, posted stating their opinion, fine, I felt it was closed minded, and narrow, and well kind of stupid, but I held my tongue. With all my being all I wanted to do was tell them how wrong they were...but I didn't. I came here to my own little sactuary to scream and yell and be as right as I want to be.
So, here is the deal with Plan B...it's a Emergency Contraceptive. Key word here EMERGENCY. It is not supposed to replace or be used in place of traditional birth control. This other poster who we will call..."Bob"...did not seem to grasp this simple concept. I am not saying that birth control is for everyone, or that it should be used by everyone. But to dictate how something should or should not be used is stupid in my opinion. And luckily, my opinon is the only one that matters here! Yeah ME!! Anyhow, reading the posts that Bob was making just kept putting my back up, KWIM? I just do not understand how people can choose to be so naive, and judgemental. I mean not every chick that needs to use a product like Plan B went out and got drunk and had irresponsible and reckless sex the night before. And to assume so, is stupid and worng. And to assume that every Dr. is going to be willing to prescribe such a thing is not only naive, but extremely stupid as well. I love my OB, I think that he is the best ever! Would never change unless he died, and then, I do not know where I would go. That said, I know that there are somethings that he will not prescribe, or do. I know that he will never prescribe an IUD, or preform a abortion, or tie my tubes. He feels that these are for the most part "morally" wrong. The "tie tubes" thing is more of the hospital choice than his I think!! But I know that he would never prescribe something like Plan B. He just doesn't believe that they are "moral", he feels that every pregnancy is a blessing, and so forth. While I am sure that there are some exceptions to this rule of thought, I am only speaking to what I know.
So, to assume that my Dr would give this drug to me is absurd. To make it difficult to get only forces other options to be explored. While I would never have an abortion, that does not say that someone else would choose otherwise, and it's not my place to make a choice or judge them either way. I know that when I "needed" this option, I had to go to Planned Parenthood to get it, and it would have been easier to just have an abortion than to get this "Emergency Contraceptive". Sad, but true. Plus you have to take into account the hospital ER as well. I am not to sure that unless I was raped or some such horrible thing would I have been able to get this Rx at my local hospital being that it is a CATHOLIC hospital, and we all know how they *the Catholic church* feels about Any kind of birth control.
Well, glad that I got that all out of my system, better here than on some stupid message board right? I guess my lesson learned is this, People who choose to remain naive and intollerent are then choosing to be ingnorant. And these are people who you can not reason with nor can you try and change their silly views.
There, now that I have that little "disclaimer" out in the open, here it goes!!
So, as I have previoulsy addmitted too, I am a BBC addict. That said normally I really enjoy my time spent on that site. I really enjoy having a place to go and "chat" with other LDS ladies, learn some new things, listen to new ideas, etc. But lately it seems that I have been setting myself up for trouble. I seem to be "drawn" to threads that are going to get me in trouble! I find it really sad, and extrememly irritating when people are so closed minded, and naive about life in general. Just because you choose to live in a little bubble does not mean that the rest of of world does or that they should have too.
So, here is the "real" story as to why I am so pissed. 1st of all, I should never have clicked on this thread, "Spin off: The Duggar's, and Plan B". Just the title alone should have been a HUGE red flag for me, NOT to open, read, and post...but feeling optomistic, and confident in my "grown upness" to not get sucked into something that was going to get ugly...I read, and posted. Then someone esle posted, and then another...here is where it gets..."sticky". This person, posted stating their opinion, fine, I felt it was closed minded, and narrow, and well kind of stupid, but I held my tongue. With all my being all I wanted to do was tell them how wrong they were...but I didn't. I came here to my own little sactuary to scream and yell and be as right as I want to be.
So, here is the deal with Plan B...it's a Emergency Contraceptive. Key word here EMERGENCY. It is not supposed to replace or be used in place of traditional birth control. This other poster who we will call..."Bob"...did not seem to grasp this simple concept. I am not saying that birth control is for everyone, or that it should be used by everyone. But to dictate how something should or should not be used is stupid in my opinion. And luckily, my opinon is the only one that matters here! Yeah ME!! Anyhow, reading the posts that Bob was making just kept putting my back up, KWIM? I just do not understand how people can choose to be so naive, and judgemental. I mean not every chick that needs to use a product like Plan B went out and got drunk and had irresponsible and reckless sex the night before. And to assume so, is stupid and worng. And to assume that every Dr. is going to be willing to prescribe such a thing is not only naive, but extremely stupid as well. I love my OB, I think that he is the best ever! Would never change unless he died, and then, I do not know where I would go. That said, I know that there are somethings that he will not prescribe, or do. I know that he will never prescribe an IUD, or preform a abortion, or tie my tubes. He feels that these are for the most part "morally" wrong. The "tie tubes" thing is more of the hospital choice than his I think!! But I know that he would never prescribe something like Plan B. He just doesn't believe that they are "moral", he feels that every pregnancy is a blessing, and so forth. While I am sure that there are some exceptions to this rule of thought, I am only speaking to what I know.
So, to assume that my Dr would give this drug to me is absurd. To make it difficult to get only forces other options to be explored. While I would never have an abortion, that does not say that someone else would choose otherwise, and it's not my place to make a choice or judge them either way. I know that when I "needed" this option, I had to go to Planned Parenthood to get it, and it would have been easier to just have an abortion than to get this "Emergency Contraceptive". Sad, but true. Plus you have to take into account the hospital ER as well. I am not to sure that unless I was raped or some such horrible thing would I have been able to get this Rx at my local hospital being that it is a CATHOLIC hospital, and we all know how they *the Catholic church* feels about Any kind of birth control.
Well, glad that I got that all out of my system, better here than on some stupid message board right? I guess my lesson learned is this, People who choose to remain naive and intollerent are then choosing to be ingnorant. And these are people who you can not reason with nor can you try and change their silly views.
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