Have you ever hit that point, when no matter how hard you try it never feels like enough? When frusteration just takes over, and you have trouble seeing anything but the "red"? I find that I am feeling that alot as of late. I am increasingly irritated with not only my children, but also with my spouse. No matter what they do, or how hard they try, it's just not enough to please me. I know and understand that this is something that *I* have to work on, but I have also noticed that when I hit these "phases" I tend to teach my family very bad habits. Sadly when the phase ends, the habits don't leave with as well.
So, I have decided to go on strike...well sort of. I am not refusing to abstain from my normal "duties". I will still take the kids to/from school, do the laundry, make meals, pay the bills, etc. All the "normal" things that a SAHM does to keep her household running smoothly. But the things that I will no longer be doing are things such as cleaning up after the kids, following them around like a maid, ignoring their lack of participation in the running of our household.
So, from there I devised a plan. First off, I am taking away the T.V. in my kids rooms. I know, I know...my kids have tv in their room...there is the root of ALL our issues!! NOT!! While it's a convience to be able to send them to seperate rooms to watch t.v., without having to listen to someone whine or cry about not being able to see, or jack got to pick the last show, and jane wants to pick the next one. But I am done, I am taking back my throne, I AM MOMMY!!! So, say hasta la bye-bye to the T.V. chickens!! We are going to go for 1 week without T.V., at least the kids are in their rooms that is. My plan, in all it's brillance.....The kids have to go 1 week, doing all that is asked of them, being kind to one another, and respectfull to Me and their Dad. The consequences of choosing to NOT follow the above rules will result in being grounded for 1 day per infraction. Now, this is NOT a one size fits all kind of deal. Each kid has their own "issues" to address durring this trial week.
Stephen for example, must make his bed, clean up his room, do all his homework, show kindess to each person in our family*, and trade off days of making sure the laundry is in the sorter in the garage. *That means that even if he is upset, he will not use any physical or verbal force to get his point across. I know that with all the changes that his body is preparing for, this is going to be a struggle for him. But I believe that he can do it.
Meghan must make her bed, clean up her room, make sure that all the dirty laundry is put in the sorter in the garage. She is also responsible for making sure that she uses a "proper voice". That means, No screaming, yelling, shrieking, crying, or whining. It's going to be tough, but I have confidence that she can do it. I hope that she will find herself not only a happier person, but also that people truly enjoy being around her.
Caleb has similar goals to both Meghan and Stephen. He has to make his bed, clean up his room, trade off days with Stephen to get the laundry taken care of. And similar to Meghan and Stephen; Caleb has to show self control with both his words and his actions. He has to learn to use his words instead of screaming, crying, or throwing a tantrum. Also, he needs to learn that physical attacks are NOT the answer either.
Molly and Delilah kind of have "joint" goals, I am hoping that they will see their older siblings attempting to modify their behaviors, and they will follow suit. I have noticed that my house is fairly calm durring the day when the older 3 are at school, and that it seems to start to fall apart about the time the older kids start getting home from school. I am hoping to change this. I am praying that by modifying all our behaviors we can have a calmer, more peaceful home. My hope is that they will act out less, less tantrums, less aggressive behavior, less tears from all of us.
As for Sam and I, we need to learn to work together instead of around each other. I find that I make it very hard for him to take an active role in raising our children; but then I resent his lack of involvement...ironic I am aware! So I know that I am taking this week as an opportunity to allow myself to take a step back, and kind of force Sam into the front lines. Not so much as let him, but allow him to be more of a parent than just the "bad guy" who doles out all the punishments. I need to allow myself to relinquish some of the control, and realize that just because Sam does something differently doesn't mean that it's wrong. That is going to be MY struggle for the next week. That and I am making a personal goal to not raise my voice. I have found that I yell all the time, for no reason somedays...it has become a habit. I have discovered that my children yell because I yell. That's no bueno in my book.
So, while I know that this is not something that we can change overnight. We cannot decide tonight, and wake up tomorrow and **POOF** it's all honeky-dory and peaches and cream!! I know that this is going to take a lot of hrad work by every member of our family. I am honestly hoping to see a slight change this time next week. I think that this week will definetly be a learning experience, and I hope that we are able to take away from this what works, and what we need to continue to work on. I know that by everyone actively participating in the "cleaning" of the house, that it will most likely stay much cleaner. I know that when I clean, spend my time and energy I am more invested, therefore I care about whethere or not it stays clean. I hope for the same from the kids.
I also hope that this helps to strenghthen not only Sam and I's relationship, but those of my chickens as well. That they will learn to work together side by side, without fighting and tears. That they will learn a respect for one another, and themselves. That working for something is a GREAT thing....despite what the world is telling them.
Punk Rock Girl
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Do you have the time..to listen to me whine?
Well, do you? I am not sure why I find that song so appropriate right now. But, I do. I feel as if all I do lately is whine. Not that I really feel as though I have alot that I have the right to complain about...I mean when I honestly take a close look at my life, I am extremely blessed. I am married to my best friend, to a man who not only loves me, but understands me, and most importantly accepts me for who I am, and doesn't try and make me change who I am to suit his needs/desires. I have 5 beautiful children, whom I cherish dearly. While at times they can be trying, and a lot of work..I know that I am not only blessed but honored to have them in this life. My husband has a job, a great one at that. That is huge, especially in these times of hardship. We have seen friends struggle with job loss, and are so grateful that we have not had to. But yet, I still find things to whine about. I guess it's true that one is never *truly* statisfied with their life, until they are dead. The thing is, I really don't want to wait until I am dead.
And yet I find, that life sometimes just sucks peanuts and blows rocks. Not by any design of my own, or someone else's....but it sucks just the same. I find myself struggling, in a variety of ways; but unclear on how to properly articulate those struggles. I find that I have yet to find a niche of sorts in my life, I feel like I have a plethura of different masks that I wear. And they vary not only on the day, but the situation as well. I am in one for home, and another for church, and yet another for family. I don't know why I feel as if I cannot be myself, or that the "self" I want to be is somehow someone to be ashamed of....but the feelings are there none the less.
I am having a hard time at church. I find that I don't have much in common with the people there, at least not on Sundays that is. Or maybe it's just more evident on Sundays. I am not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be. But, it seems to be that it's a "whose hollier than who" game on Sundays. I really enjoy the social aspects for the most part, but even within that I find that there are those that feel that they are better than I am, or than everyone for that matter. The clincher is that it's not just me that gets the shaft...it's my kids as well. So, I guess I feel like giving everyone the "bird" and telling them to blow it all out there ear!! Childish I know, but sometimes it makes me feel soo much better..kwim??
I have never really stated that I have "issues", but the older I get, and the older that my kids get...the more open I find myself being about my "issues". I find that I don't like the stance that most people take with regards to most issues. Perhaps I am just more independant..more free thinking...less conservative. I don't see the world as "black and white" in it's entirety. I see alot of shades of grey, and even a few dark blues and a couple purples thrown in there for good measure. But I feel stiffled, for thinking differently, for having questions, for having a mind of my own. I feel some regret at some choices that I have made, I feel as if I did certain things to please others, and not myself....that perhaps I truly wasn't ready, and I ignored the signs. Perhaps this is my punishment. Life of constant questions...A life of constant doubt and feelings of never being good enough.
Bleh!!
And yet I find, that life sometimes just sucks peanuts and blows rocks. Not by any design of my own, or someone else's....but it sucks just the same. I find myself struggling, in a variety of ways; but unclear on how to properly articulate those struggles. I find that I have yet to find a niche of sorts in my life, I feel like I have a plethura of different masks that I wear. And they vary not only on the day, but the situation as well. I am in one for home, and another for church, and yet another for family. I don't know why I feel as if I cannot be myself, or that the "self" I want to be is somehow someone to be ashamed of....but the feelings are there none the less.
I am having a hard time at church. I find that I don't have much in common with the people there, at least not on Sundays that is. Or maybe it's just more evident on Sundays. I am not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be. But, it seems to be that it's a "whose hollier than who" game on Sundays. I really enjoy the social aspects for the most part, but even within that I find that there are those that feel that they are better than I am, or than everyone for that matter. The clincher is that it's not just me that gets the shaft...it's my kids as well. So, I guess I feel like giving everyone the "bird" and telling them to blow it all out there ear!! Childish I know, but sometimes it makes me feel soo much better..kwim??
I have never really stated that I have "issues", but the older I get, and the older that my kids get...the more open I find myself being about my "issues". I find that I don't like the stance that most people take with regards to most issues. Perhaps I am just more independant..more free thinking...less conservative. I don't see the world as "black and white" in it's entirety. I see alot of shades of grey, and even a few dark blues and a couple purples thrown in there for good measure. But I feel stiffled, for thinking differently, for having questions, for having a mind of my own. I feel some regret at some choices that I have made, I feel as if I did certain things to please others, and not myself....that perhaps I truly wasn't ready, and I ignored the signs. Perhaps this is my punishment. Life of constant questions...A life of constant doubt and feelings of never being good enough.
Bleh!!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Who's the Big Kid now?
It's that time of year again, well..actually it sorta kinda just finished and started all over again! Since both Caleb and Delilah were in need of their well checks this month...Caleb turning 6, and Lilah hitting 18mos...we headed into see good ole Dr. Mackey! It went far better than I had anticipated it would, seeing that we were JUST there a week ago for Molls..more on that in a few!
So we got started with Caleb, the nurse took him to weigh him, measure him, check his eyes and his ears. He did fabulous!! He passed both his hearing and his vision test..he has better sight than I do that's for sure!! He must get that from Daddy!! We also found out that he is a cute square!! He is 44lbs and 44in!! He didn't gain as much weight as the dr would have liked, but knowing about his "other" issues we weren't too concerned. Then on to the "fun stuff" shots! Because of his heart issues, my poor baby HAD to get a flu/H1N1..I have already signed the waivers for my other kids on the H1N1 issue...But after a conf. call with the ped. and the cardio dr, I was WAY outvoted!! The risk was just not something that I wanted to chance. And to top that all off, the cherry on the top of this sundae...He has an ear infection!! A BAD one too! But he gave us nada about it hurting him, I wish I had that kids pain threshhold!
Then there was Minnie Mouse! My sweet little Delilah Rose, little being the opperative word!! She weighs in at a cool 22lbs 4oz, and is a astounding 32in. This puts her in the 25% for her height, and weight!! Yeah, we're still not sure what happened between her and Molly....But other than being a "minnie" she is growing great! She is right on target with all her milestones, although there was concern about a possible speech delay; but I am confident that it has resolved itself, seeing how she is Extremely verbal!! And since she was a delight, Dr. Mackey let me know that she made his day! She was super cooperative during her exam, didn't wiggle or squirm at all! She's pro at this, seeing how she had to go through this twice a month between regualr well check exams and the ForOCKids sibling study that she was participating in.
Back to my Missy Molly...well I mentioned that we were at Dr. Mackey's last week for Molly....she was in for a physical for her MRI...yup I said M.R.I.. After being refered to the neurologist for frequent falling, and a subsequent appt. Dr. Morkus * the neuro dr.* decided that he wanted an MRI, Genetic Testing, Sleep Deprived EEg, Blood Work, a trip to the Opthamologist, Hearing test, Speech Eval., and PT/OT evals....oh and the MRI is with And without contrast. That means that she has to be put under general anesthesia..hence the need for a complete physical. So, we have gotten thru the blood work, physical for mri, genetics appt, hearing test, and sched the MRI. Still on the list is the Eye Dr, which we have an appt for in a couple of weeks, speech eval., all though she JUST had one so I am still up in the air with that one, Have to sched. the EEg, and the PT/OT evals. The OT/PT evals I really wanna get a jump on, learned something new when we saw the genetics dr...appearently Molly is Hypertonic...meaning that while she has muscle, and has moderate strength, she has low muscle tone. So weird!! I mean she has body mass, and we know she has strength.. it's just so crazy to think that she has low muscle tone!!!
So that is what is going on so far..Oh, so Molly weighs38lbs, and is 36in...WOW!! Still amazed at how fast my kids are growing up! Can't believe they are so big already!!
So we got started with Caleb, the nurse took him to weigh him, measure him, check his eyes and his ears. He did fabulous!! He passed both his hearing and his vision test..he has better sight than I do that's for sure!! He must get that from Daddy!! We also found out that he is a cute square!! He is 44lbs and 44in!! He didn't gain as much weight as the dr would have liked, but knowing about his "other" issues we weren't too concerned. Then on to the "fun stuff" shots! Because of his heart issues, my poor baby HAD to get a flu/H1N1..I have already signed the waivers for my other kids on the H1N1 issue...But after a conf. call with the ped. and the cardio dr, I was WAY outvoted!! The risk was just not something that I wanted to chance. And to top that all off, the cherry on the top of this sundae...He has an ear infection!! A BAD one too! But he gave us nada about it hurting him, I wish I had that kids pain threshhold!
Then there was Minnie Mouse! My sweet little Delilah Rose, little being the opperative word!! She weighs in at a cool 22lbs 4oz, and is a astounding 32in. This puts her in the 25% for her height, and weight!! Yeah, we're still not sure what happened between her and Molly....But other than being a "minnie" she is growing great! She is right on target with all her milestones, although there was concern about a possible speech delay; but I am confident that it has resolved itself, seeing how she is Extremely verbal!! And since she was a delight, Dr. Mackey let me know that she made his day! She was super cooperative during her exam, didn't wiggle or squirm at all! She's pro at this, seeing how she had to go through this twice a month between regualr well check exams and the ForOCKids sibling study that she was participating in.
Back to my Missy Molly...well I mentioned that we were at Dr. Mackey's last week for Molly....she was in for a physical for her MRI...yup I said M.R.I.. After being refered to the neurologist for frequent falling, and a subsequent appt. Dr. Morkus * the neuro dr.* decided that he wanted an MRI, Genetic Testing, Sleep Deprived EEg, Blood Work, a trip to the Opthamologist, Hearing test, Speech Eval., and PT/OT evals....oh and the MRI is with And without contrast. That means that she has to be put under general anesthesia..hence the need for a complete physical. So, we have gotten thru the blood work, physical for mri, genetics appt, hearing test, and sched the MRI. Still on the list is the Eye Dr, which we have an appt for in a couple of weeks, speech eval., all though she JUST had one so I am still up in the air with that one, Have to sched. the EEg, and the PT/OT evals. The OT/PT evals I really wanna get a jump on, learned something new when we saw the genetics dr...appearently Molly is Hypertonic...meaning that while she has muscle, and has moderate strength, she has low muscle tone. So weird!! I mean she has body mass, and we know she has strength.. it's just so crazy to think that she has low muscle tone!!!
So that is what is going on so far..Oh, so Molly weighs38lbs, and is 36in...WOW!! Still amazed at how fast my kids are growing up! Can't believe they are so big already!!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Merry Christmas!! Happy New Year!!
O.k., here is my Christmas/New Year's post. We had a fun, quiet holiday. Just what we all needed. Instead of dragging the kids from family to family, we stayed home. Although we had planned to head over to Disneyland, we were so glad that we chose to stay home instead. It was nuts over there!! So, instead the kids stayed home, and enjoyed all their new outside toys in the backyard.
The little girls made out like bandits this year..Santa brought them a new wagon. It's a Radio Flyer ATW...it's pretty awesome! They also got Princess Cozy Coupes from Grandma and Grandpa Andes...and those were the hit of Christmas let me tell you!
Caleb got a new bike from Grandma and Grandpa Andes, and a Disney gift card for $25 from Santa, and a helmet from his siblings. He was so excited for a new bike, it's a bit big for him but he loves to try and ride it. It's just going to take him some time!! He also asks daily if we can go to Dland so he can buy some new toys!! Silly guy! He doesn't know it, but the plan is to take him for his birthday on Jan. 8th!!
Meghan got a helmet for her bike, But her fave gift was her new Leapster Didj. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa Andes!! You guys made her day! She has been begging to play, we finally got batteries only to find out that you have to set it up on the computer first! So, now Daddy is on that! Poor girl!! But she is handling it well, thinking about what she wants to get with Her Dland gift card from Santa...that and trying to pry her stroller away from the little girls.
Stephen, oh Stephen...he only REALLY asked for 1 thing...a Rip Stick. Well, again thanks to Grandma and Grandpa Andes for that! You both just made his holiday!! And thanks for the helmet as well....now if we could only get him to wear it All The Time!! I think he was more excited about the rip stick than he was about his gift card from Santa...he honestly didn't think he was ever going to get one!!
All in all, it was a great day. I know that Sam and I feel so blessed that our kids really don't ask for much...they are kids and get so excited about Christmas, but there were no insanely long lists this year, and as always they were just thrilled with the gifts that they received. Even Sam was happy with his gifts, we had already exchanged gifts him and I..He got a new blackberry..The Storm 2. And I got a new head unit for my truck with GPS, and a Blue tooth. But we were both shocked and overjoyed with the gifts from Grandma and Grandpa Andes. Thanks you two for the Awesome griddle!! The kids love that I make them pancakes, and don't have to wait forever while I make them 1 at a time!! And Sam loves his new printer, he has been dying for a wireless printer for months...it was just not super high on our list of necessities. So, thanks for that for him. We both appreciate all that you guys do, and Dad all the kids missed you. Molly is holding out for a visit soon!! She asks constantly when you are coming back!! So, we hope that you feel the love she sends all the way in Utah!!
And to top it all off Grandpa and Grandma Meredith brought over more toys for the backyard. The kids didn't even care that it was a group/family gift. They were just thrilled with all the new toys to play outside with!! Soccer goals for the back grass, a new tether ball, bowling, golf, and a basketball hoop!! So all in all, we are set for the backyard!! The kids spend all their free time back there, playing ball, riding bikes or scooters, driving their cars, and riding their rip sticks.
New Years...it was quiet as well. We just stayed home and watched movies with the kids. Worked on Stephen's Yorba Linda photo project...and just vegged. It was a great way to start the new year....just us. I can't speak for Sam, but I know for me...I am looking forward to a quiet 2010. Just OUR family, we sort of started the tradition in the last part of 2009, But I am looking forward to continuing it on '10! Just us, for Easter, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas...it's gonna be nice! We are looking forward to a bright new year, with all sorts of fun things headed out way!!
The little girls made out like bandits this year..Santa brought them a new wagon. It's a Radio Flyer ATW...it's pretty awesome! They also got Princess Cozy Coupes from Grandma and Grandpa Andes...and those were the hit of Christmas let me tell you!
Caleb got a new bike from Grandma and Grandpa Andes, and a Disney gift card for $25 from Santa, and a helmet from his siblings. He was so excited for a new bike, it's a bit big for him but he loves to try and ride it. It's just going to take him some time!! He also asks daily if we can go to Dland so he can buy some new toys!! Silly guy! He doesn't know it, but the plan is to take him for his birthday on Jan. 8th!!
Meghan got a helmet for her bike, But her fave gift was her new Leapster Didj. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa Andes!! You guys made her day! She has been begging to play, we finally got batteries only to find out that you have to set it up on the computer first! So, now Daddy is on that! Poor girl!! But she is handling it well, thinking about what she wants to get with Her Dland gift card from Santa...that and trying to pry her stroller away from the little girls.
Stephen, oh Stephen...he only REALLY asked for 1 thing...a Rip Stick. Well, again thanks to Grandma and Grandpa Andes for that! You both just made his holiday!! And thanks for the helmet as well....now if we could only get him to wear it All The Time!! I think he was more excited about the rip stick than he was about his gift card from Santa...he honestly didn't think he was ever going to get one!!
All in all, it was a great day. I know that Sam and I feel so blessed that our kids really don't ask for much...they are kids and get so excited about Christmas, but there were no insanely long lists this year, and as always they were just thrilled with the gifts that they received. Even Sam was happy with his gifts, we had already exchanged gifts him and I..He got a new blackberry..The Storm 2. And I got a new head unit for my truck with GPS, and a Blue tooth. But we were both shocked and overjoyed with the gifts from Grandma and Grandpa Andes. Thanks you two for the Awesome griddle!! The kids love that I make them pancakes, and don't have to wait forever while I make them 1 at a time!! And Sam loves his new printer, he has been dying for a wireless printer for months...it was just not super high on our list of necessities. So, thanks for that for him. We both appreciate all that you guys do, and Dad all the kids missed you. Molly is holding out for a visit soon!! She asks constantly when you are coming back!! So, we hope that you feel the love she sends all the way in Utah!!
And to top it all off Grandpa and Grandma Meredith brought over more toys for the backyard. The kids didn't even care that it was a group/family gift. They were just thrilled with all the new toys to play outside with!! Soccer goals for the back grass, a new tether ball, bowling, golf, and a basketball hoop!! So all in all, we are set for the backyard!! The kids spend all their free time back there, playing ball, riding bikes or scooters, driving their cars, and riding their rip sticks.
New Years...it was quiet as well. We just stayed home and watched movies with the kids. Worked on Stephen's Yorba Linda photo project...and just vegged. It was a great way to start the new year....just us. I can't speak for Sam, but I know for me...I am looking forward to a quiet 2010. Just OUR family, we sort of started the tradition in the last part of 2009, But I am looking forward to continuing it on '10! Just us, for Easter, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas...it's gonna be nice! We are looking forward to a bright new year, with all sorts of fun things headed out way!!
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